Marriage is a complex and special commitment between two people, so what’s the rush? So many couples nowadays are rushing into marriage, which can ultimately lead to rushing out of marriage. Not all couples who marry young or marry quickly will end up divorced, but I don’t think marriage should be taken lightly; therefore, you should be sure that you know each other and have the strength to work through your problems.
“As a culture we seem to believe that marriage is a kind of end point and a solution to all ills, rather than the start of a complex process that, depending on who we are and how we deal with it, could go any way at all,” said Aida Edemariam, a reporter for The Guardian.
Marriage is supposed to be with your best friend, the one who is there for you when things go wrong. They should be the one who makes you laugh and smile and someone who you can communicate with. But that takes time to develop. You cannot choose someone and assume they will be all of these things or that all of these things will develop over time. Take the time to work on them before you leap into marriage. Which brings me to my next point. Marry for the right reason.
“If it’s because ‘they want an expensive party, to be centre stage for a day, because they have romanticized notions of finding their soulmate, or want the imagined extra security marriage might bring, they could be in for a nasty shock, and a speedy separation,’” said Kate Figes, author of the book “Couples: The Truth.”
While Nicholas Sparks paints beautiful and emotional stories of falling in love, we have to remember that this is not a movie, this is real life. Yes, love can be incredible. However, it takes hard work. You have to be willing to grow with your partner. Take the time to experience life events and changes so that you know if you and your partner can work through them.
“Young people tend to have still a more idealistic and romanticized notion of marriage and it can cause disappointment and resentment easily when the reality does not fit their ideal image of marriage,” said Akiko Yasuike, department chair and associate professor of sociology at California Lutheran University, in an email interview. “But as we mature, we come to develop a more realistic expectation for marriage and understand that we need to work on marriage and love is not always there miraculously without any effort.”
But say you get married and as life progresses you feel problems arise and distance separating you. What do you do? Don’t give up. You married this person for a reason, so what was it? Look back to the beginning. What attracted you to them? What made you fall in love in the first place? Life has changed since that point in time, but identify the problems and try to work through them. If you found someone you loved, then shouldn’t you be able to talk it out or put in the effort to work through it? Don’t just throw in the towel and search for the next person.
“Almost half of divorces happen in the first 10 years of marriage, and the rate is especially high between the fourth and eighth anniversary,” Edemariam said. “A more interesting statistic: by far the highest divorce rates have been among women aged 25-29 and men aged either 25-29 or 30-34, depending on the year.”
It is common to hear of couples that met in high school or college and went on to get married. We have to acknowledge the fact that there are a lot of changes during your twenties, such as going to college, graduating from college or finding a job. They are also other reasons not to jump into marriage during that time period. If you do, then work through those life changes with your spouse. Imagine how strong your marriage will be if you fight through all of those changes and come out with better communication and a closer bond because of it.
I want to be clear that there are several valid reasons for divorce, and one should not stay in a relationship where he or she does not feel safe or healthy. Some of these reasons are, but not limited to: domestic abuse, alcohol addiction, other addictions and cheating.
My point of view is simply that there should be no rush into marriage, and once married, there should be absolutely no rush out of it. When deciding to get married, you should feel confident that you and your partner can work through anything, and when you feel like divorce is your best option, you should feel like you have tried everything to fix what is broken.
* Updated October 26, 2017 at 7:08 p.m.