Failure is often viewed as the worst possible outcome of any situation, which was my mindset for a long time. But the path to success is paved by failure.

Fear of failure stifles the growth process, this is uncomfortable and sometimes difficult to accept, but it is necessary. It is typically seen as a stopping point instead of a stepping stone, an obstacle to acknowledge and learn from.

I used to be afraid of failure. I would avoid it at all costs, feeling as though failure meant I was not enough and couldn’t do hard or impressive things. I would go to extreme lengths to avoid it, at times not attempting something at all for fear of failure. Not only that, but I would create unrealistic expectations, convincing myself that by not succeeding on the first try, I was somehow incapable of succeeding at all. 

I strove to meet my parents’ high expectations of me, overlooking their encouragement and focusing on their disappointment if I did not produce my best work. 

In hindsight, their expectations of me were never unrealistic or unmanageable, but my mindset hindered my perception, perpetuating deep anxiety at the idea of not reaching the goals I set for myself. I failed to see that my parents’ were never disappointed with my failures, but rather with my hesitancy to put myself in challenging situations. 

I think back to when the kitchen in my childhood home was being remodeled. My sisters and I would build puzzles under the new bar table and hide from guests. It is underneath the table where my mom had engraved a quote for us.

“She turned her can’ts into cans, and her dreams into plans.”

Looking back, I realize just how much my sisters and I were encouraged to do hard things. From sports, where the inevitable losses were used as fuel for the next game, match, or meet, to the classroom, where a bad grade was never punished, but improvement was always expected. 

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,” was my mom’s favorite mantra to repeat anytime I came home teary-eyed after a setback. 

My dad would often remind us that the only true competition is oneself and that we must strive to do better than we did before, reinforcing my mom’s sentiment that not giving up after failure is imperative for self-improvement. 

While I trust my parents’ words, as well as my lived experience, there is also research that stresses the importance of failure. Challenging the stigma surrounding failure can help to wield it into a tool rather than let it halt the path towards success. 

According to an article titled Learning From Failure, “Failure increases motivation among committed individuals who feel secure about their commitment.” 

An example of this would be students who strive to challenge themselves with harder-level classes when they know they would succeed in the lower-level class. 

The authors go on to write, “(People) should view failure as information about progress (‘I need to study more’), not commitment (‘This course isn’t for me’).”

From a more philosophical standpoint, Costica Bradatan writes about the perspectives gained when failure is acknowledged and understood in an article for the New York Times.

“Failure gives us the opportunity to see our existence close-up. It is a lens through which we begin to see the flaws in our otherwise perfect and perfectly predictable being. When failure gives us this insight, it emphasizes for us the existential threat that constantly stalks our lives, giving us pause to consider how extraordinary life is,” Bradatan writes. “For this reason, failure can be therapeutic, forcing us to realize that the world does not revolve around us, guarding against unbridled arrogance, offering the comfort of humility in its stead.”

Bradatan introduces the idea that failure can serve as a reminder that nothing and no one is perfect, and that failure is a part of life. 

Luis Perez Jr, a senior at California Lutheran University, shared his thoughts on failure.

“Failure just means that one has tried, but hasn’t succeeded just ‘yet’,” he said 

Perez gave an example of when he experienced failure, recalling his several failed driver’s tests. While he struggled to pass, he never gave up and eventually succeeded in getting his license.

“The first times I fail, I live in a constant state of denial, but it takes me a few days to process things and finally open up to my loved ones. Once I am able to open up, I have the privilege of getting their amazing advice on how to learn from my mistakes, which is the beauty of failure. I think a growth mindset is very important and crucial to have as a human being,” Perez said.

Changing my mindset has not been a linear process. While I have made strides in reframing my perception of failure, I often feel fear creep back in, especially when trying something new. This year, I began writing again – something I’ve always been passionate about but never had the confidence to pursue in any real way. 

I knew that nothing I produced would be perfect, and the idea of others reading my writing, something I usually keep to myself, was jarring. 

Nevertheless, I decided to get out of my comfort zone, and I am so glad I did. While nothing I have written has been perfect, I have seen my abilities improve through experience and the constructive criticism that comes with it. 

With each setback, typo, and article I wasn’t one hundred percent satisfied with, a new opportunity arose, and I implemented what I had learned from my experiences.

As I’ve grown this semester, I am now content with my understanding that success is the growth process–failure and all– as opposed to the end result. After all, anything worth doing is worth failing at.