Quality time is the best love language because it improves overall well-being in every relationship.
I have taken my fair share of “What’s your favorite love language?” quizzes in my free time. Out of all the options the quiz may have identified me as, I never felt the results I got were accurate. I reflected on the relationships I have—familial and friendships—and I identified the aspect of the relationship I love the most: quality time.
According to Gary Chapman, author of “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,” quality time is when a relationship has an emphasis on being together, doing things together, and giving each other undivided attention.
Although Chapman’s book focuses on romantic partners, quality time isn’t just limited to romantic relationships, it can also apply to familial and platonic friendships.
Nicole Talarico, lecturer in California Lutheran University’s Psychology Department, said there are positive developmental outcomes with quality time between a parent and child.
“Kids and, you know, teenagers, even across the lifespan into adulthood, they tend to have better psychological and social well-being,” Talarico said. “So higher levels of life satisfaction, lower levels of mental health problems, and lower levels of depression, stress, and anxiety. They also tend to do better at school. They tend to be better at making friends and feeling more self-confident.”
Talarico said quality time in friendships can also lead to positive developmental outcomes and is similar to attributes in a romantic relationship.
“When you have a support group, you know, it’s so beneficial for everything. When you’re having a bad day, you get into a fight with your parents, or you get a bad grade on a test, you know, friendships are there to really support you,” Talarico said.
Talarico said self-disclosure, intimacy, respect, freedom to talk openly and having fun are other positive outcomes friendship can have on an individual’s social and psychological well-being.
Avya Pandhi, a senior, is the treasurer and secretary of the Psychology Club. She said quality time activates systems in your brain tied to bonding and trust.
“Oxytocin, dopamine…are released, and there’s a reward pathway in the striatum. In simple terms, when we spend quality time with someone, our brain registers safety, connection and importance,” Pandhi said.
Pandhi said quality time satisfies human beings’ need for connection and attention and to be seen, valued, and prioritized. She said quality time creates a sense of security for any relationship, whether it be romantic, familial or platonic.
Angela Abalo, a senior and the president of the Psychology Club, said quality time has benefited her own personal relationships as an international student.
“Spending time with [friends] on the weekends, or even if it’s a busy week just studying with them, it literally, like, makes my week so much better,” Abalo said. “If I’m having a hard week and tests and stuff, just talking to my friend for five minutes, literally makes it so much better.”
On the other hand, according to a Psychology Today article titled “The Problem With Believing in ‘Love Languages,’” author Steven Ing said people who are capable of giving and receiving love are fluent in all five love languages. Ing said the five love languages are conceptually vague and broad, similar to the advice to “try to be nice.”
While this is a valid standpoint, I believe showing love through quality time is most valuable. In my personal life, I always remember the moments I share with those I love and the amount of time we spend together.
Whether it’s conversing over a meal or spending moments in silence together, the time I spend with that person will always stand out compared to receiving gifts or a hug. I believe you can’t put a price on time you have with someone, and even in dull moments, presence with a loved one will last forever.
